It’s become a little love fest in the world around me. Seems like the air is thinner and fluffier and I actually enjoy smiling. I know it’s temporary. I know the rolling dark clouds of stress and deadlines will crowd my little parade and make it rain all day. As long as I remember that it will end eventually and I can go back to seeing a picture of myself and genuinely remember being happy.
He… makes me so happy. I hate cliche love drama, with unnecessary publicity for it… I’m over my days of teenage love affairs… but I love being with this …one.
This nerdy and fact frenzy boy that makes my heart race. Makes me do things and say things I never thought I would want to say so badly. It’s rolling off my tongue and I’m scared I won’t be able to help it. He can’t control himself but …. I can’t control my mouth.
I feel I have my moments of advanatage but he has be on cloud nine right now.
I didn’t think his controlling demeanor would reel me in so fast but maybe it’s because I have been desperate for this attention since I moved. For someone to say the words “I understand” even if they don’t.
For someone to want to spend time with me.
I know this is only the flirting part of any good relationship. But it’s addictive… being around him.
I used to think that a good relationship was made up of spontaneous perfect moments… but the moments with him are perfect because they are true… and that’s what Iv been craving.
He looks at me when he thinks I’m not looking… and he smiles. These are the moments that make the hairs on my arms stand up because… I feel whole around him.
I love him…. I know that. And Iv never been more sure about how much I like someone until him. But he is so bad for me right now. Our stories and lives so incomparable I’m not sure how I’m supposed to handle that throughout the year.
Was it my fault for being so sure I didn’t want to get into anything with him… or was it the fact I said I wanted to wait.
He challenges me….my comfort zones. He brings me out of them and I guess that’s why I’m getting so much more comfortable around him. It’s also cause I haven’t seen him in ages and he has to understand that girls get needy too sometimes… have their wants.
I guess the best thing for me to do… thinking strategically is go with the flow. It will hurt if it has to come down to something I don’t wanna think about, but that’s if time tells us it must come down to that. I want him all to myself rn… at least for this time, but he is so busy that I’m the one looking hella desperate. I can’t focus without my dose of him(lol).
Go with my priorities and see where currency takes me…
The time and universe will guide me and my passions.
Ugh he is so wonderful ❤