Our wretched minds 

They have mentally broken me. Swirled me up and washed me out, buried my hope and faith far beneath the surface. Taken creativity and inspiration and cut it into tiny pieces till it’s useless and must be thrown away. They have taken my mind and nailed it to a wall where the only way to be let free is to pull out the nails by yourself and watch the holes bleed. No time for pain, no time for life…. just go. Just succeed… just like that, no time to waste. I feel myself dead in a moving life where every step I take feels like trying to run in a body of water. Slow and unprogressuve, tiresome… exhausting. I drag my feet now, like forgetting they are a part of me and having to go back to fetch them. I forget a lot, I take in a lot. A system made for success has broken everything left in me. Perhaps I was not built for this mental climb, perhaps I was meant to be damned but this system is a punishment … not an education. The never ending anxiety of exams and tests leaves you breathless, desperate for a moment to breath before your entire heart collapses with rapid beats. My eyes have gone blind, from white screens and miniature pen on board. My hands have gone swollen, from novels of notes and bibles of sheduals… for the week. My mind, my wretched mind 
Has gone bleak and cold… and I find myself crossing off the things I will never be able to do because there is no more time… the future I will hold is inevitable, and it disgusts me the way a system made for success has broken all that I am. 


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