Care to Share?

A genuine smileHer incentive tone has struck my rage. The way she is too involved in her own life to see how presumptuous she really is. No one so fake, so oblivious, so mean existed… not in real life? What made me unworthy of being included, knowing…. reasoning? What made her problems and supposed “life crisis” of boys and drama outweigh the depression of my life? Was there something wrong with me? If not, then how could a single should have so many different faces to them? Was  it a moral act to make a new comer feel more foreign then they already are? She doesn’t realize the shadow that follows her around, the “puppy” desperate for the attention she bought her for…. desperate for a genuine smile, or look….. anything. I sit at the lunch table for the pure reason to get away from everyone else, because I know i will be rejected and excluded at that table. A table meant for sharing and conversing, a table meant for everyone. Yet, I purely sit there to not talk to anyone. She says she has problems, she says she has lost faith in telling people her problems… then why does she expect people to reciprocate to her. What makes her advice better then anyone else. If she thinks that I will not understand, then she better think twice before something really bad happens to her. Has she made the effort to know me? No. Her bleak words of “I care” and “You matter” mean nothing if their actions do not perceive. I am tried of her fake face because it is her image and portrayal to the world that matter more then the people she has the possibility of having in her life. I see myself in some of these people, I see the problems I dealt with at home. I see similarity and yet they cannot figure that out. I refuse to be a subject of someone else rejection, so instead I will distance myself….I am used to longer distances that meant more anyway. But it is she I feel sorry for, she thinks her petty concerns will matter, yet he has not faced the real world, and yes I am not of much wisdom or judgment but I can tell the difference between fake and real, and I will no longer feel unwanted and neglected…my yearn for attention that she caused through her initial kindness have been lost in her meaningless words and “don’t worry about its” I am not her pet, I am not anyone’s slave… its her loss.

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