I’ve always had a problem with people proving me wrong and making me feel weakened beneath them. Partly to do with the fact that I have always thought that there has been something wrong with my mind that has caused me to be 17 in 11th grade right now when everyone is till turning 17 or why I cant understand some math my younger sister can do in a blink. I have always tried to come up with theories like “I have dyslexia” (not to say that is a weakness, just a different way of seeing specific areas) or even that I’ve always just been too stupid to succeed. Its not necessarily the way a 7 year old’s mindset should work, but I guess from a young age that has been my reasoning for my fails and disappointments. Its been the only reasonable explanation and the reason why “no one truly understands where I am coming from”. I do know one thing about myself, other then I have seen myself as a failure far too many times for the life I have lived. I love to understand! I love to finally have comprehension of something…anything….something. I had mentioned before that I love to write, but Im not always the best fro words and there have been times where the word just rolls off my tongue, my face blank from what I was even talking about. Is it even possible to forget a word when your in the middle of saying it? Point is… it happens a lot, especially when Im nervous and I find myself rambling about a question I have in class or an answer to a TOK (Theory of Knowledge) topic, for minutes when truth is…I had really finished talking about 3 minutes before.
It’s really quite embarrassing…frustrating. But I love to understand.
Whenever I learn a new word that describes something I have in mind but cannot seem to put onto my tongue I use it in almost every sentence I can think of, just for the sake of having a word…that describes what I WANT TO SAY! I especially like fancy words that could be said in an easier… more common way but ….doesn’t have to be.
For example…ineffable. Meaning (ironically) Too great to be described in words! Priceless!